Perkins, Swarm's publicity act getting old

If there is one thing KARE 11 sports anchor Eric Perkins likes, it's Eric Perkins.

What Perkins also likes, judging from his career choice, is telling the stories of others. This is problematic when you remember that Perkins' favorite kind of story is about Eric Perkins.

Going on its 12th year of broadcast, "Perk at Play" is a segment on KARE 11 that spotlights unique recreational events in Minnesota. But instead of telling the story about the people involved, Perkins has to involve himself.

There are message boards dedicated to the criticism of Perkins, calling his segments "stupid" and "disgusting." Posters to the board have gone as far as renaming his segment "Jerk at Play."

Perkins' oblivious ingenuity to draw more attention to himself than the event he covers was shown again recently when he said he was coming out of "retirement" to showcase his novice skills in lacrosse with Minnesota's professional team, the Swarm.

In early 2008, the Swarm pulled the publicity stunt of having Perkins' segment involve him playing professional lacrosse. In that game, Perkins saw eight seconds of playing time. The Swarm lost 11-10.

Then it was announced that Perkins was coming out of "retirement" for the 2009 season. Perkins led a press conference, allowing for his pretentiousness to be on display.

"I am thrilled to be getting an opportunity with this playoff caliber team. I'll do anything I can to help the Swarm win...anything," Perkins said during the press conference.

You would think with years of sports coverage, Perkins could come up with something other than a generic sports cliché.

On Tuesday, the date of his big comeback, Perkins did not play. He walked to centerfield during halftime and said he was not coming out of "retirement."

As if the dozens of fans in the stands cared.

But now, factor in that Perkins is supposed to be a broadcast journalist (I assume) and the Minnesota Swarm have the goal of winning the National Lacrosse League (NLL) championship (I assume).

How does Eric Perkins help either one of these situations?

By becoming the tale he's supposed to tell, his journalistic integrity is more of an ideal than an applied craft.

And by walking in to the Swarm locker room like a jester skipping in to a king's court, Perkins insulted every player who worked and sacrificed to make the team.

To rub salt into the wounds of those same players, Perkins has had his #66 jersey retired by the Swarm after his game in 2008. Did I mention the man played eight seconds in his "career?"

"To have my jersey etched indelibly in history and to have my very own bobblehead, both are so rewarding. What I think I'm most proud of though, is that I will forever in the National Lacrosse League statistical record books," Perkins said in 2007.

It is hard to tell if his quote is a continuation of his insincere mockery of the Swarm or if he legitimately feels proud of his seconds of shame.

The blame here is not all on Perkins though. If the Minnesota Swarm want to be seen as a professional sports team involved with an up-and-coming sport, it should act like it.

I understand the Swarm do not get the TV coverage it may aspire for, and that it does not sell out the Xcel Energy Center like the Wild. But how are the Swarm making strides towards credibility by signing the Dane Cook of sportscasters to its team?

The Swarm will forever be a forgotten town attraction as long as it has the promotional skills as… well, the Minnesota Swarm.

Sports fans are predictable in this sense: If you are a general manager and field a winning team, fans will fill the seats. And I would bet that more people would want to see a competitive team instead of anyone who remotely shares any characteristics or resemblances with Eric Perkins.

And Perkins should stick with what got him the job; tell us the scores and nothing more.