Save sales pitch for job

This past weekend I had one of those little life moments that allows you to sit back and shake your head at how incredibly ignorant and repulsive people can be.

I ventured to the greater Twin Cities area Thursday night to meet up with a friend for a cocktail or two before we went to First Ave. for a show Friday.

The quiet suburban community and the friendly, relaxing aura of New Brighton was comfortable while we enjoyed a couple of tall ales at a small, very vacant local bar. Of course, until the king of swine shifted his attention to our peaceful B.S. session.

Anybody who knows anything knows that a quiet, hometown bar should be a place to chit-chat and relax without having to deal with the everyday stress and tension that comes from real-life jackasses and things like bills, jobs and school. This guy was a nobody who knew nothing because he didn't quite understand the concept of relaxation.

"Sales Man" as I'll call him, was one of those guys who doesn't understand the concept of leaving your work at the office, or at least home. Sales Man is the type of guy I've always despised. You know the type: the slicked-back hair and the mentality that he could sell a gun to Ghandi.

His initial small-talk was stomachable in the mellow bar atmosphere as he asked us where we were from, what we do and so on. Then when he must have felt he knew enough about us, he talked about himself for far too long.

Sales Man is the type of guy who tells you all about things he's done that might impress you, then exaggerates to the point where you realize he's completely full of it and probably a pathological liar.

So after telling us how he drove a semi with his dad from San Diego to Minneapolis without sleep, hallucinating the entire way, he told us he was in fact a salesperson.

I've always had a problem with salespeople. Not all of them, but ones like this guy. He asked us what kind of phones we had, so we politely showed him. Then he went on to ask what providers we have and how much we pay monthly.

I told him, "Too much," but he kept digging for a number. I finally told him around $100 because I'm constantly going over my limits.

This is where my spite for his kind becomes partially my fault. I'm too damned nice and have a problem with being blunt and straightforward with salespeople.

Sales Man was appalled by my contract with Verizon and asked me, "How would you like a plan where you have unlimited everything - texting, Internet, downloads and minutes - for $100?"

At this point I knew all normalcy in the conversation was over because I was sick of listening to him. Not just his voice, but his relentless attempts to sell me something I didn't want.

After 15 more minutes or so of sales pitches and stories about his ultimate dream to go swimming with sharks, wearing nothing but trunks and a snorkel, he backed off slightly, no thanks to the minimalist responses we began throwing his way.

Sitting in the bar at midnight with a friend, did he really think I was going to say, "You know what buddy, even though I'm not even halfway through my contract with Verizon, you make a hell of a offer. Where do I sign?"

If I want to buy something, I'll go get it on my own and if I have a question, I'll ask. If you have something to sell me, I understand that it's your job.

So, to all of you salespeople out there: Sell, sell, sell all you want, but don't make people uncomfortable doing so.

If there was a sign in the window that night that read, "Salesman on duty pushing phone contracts and telling bad lies," I would have at least known the night was going to be painfully annoying.