2008 Woodie Awards
Myriads of sounds and images distract masses from event in front of their eyes
Kaleb Bronson
Issue date: 4/23/07 Section: Opinions
- Page 1 of 1
A circus like no other, one made of pure confusion. Huge men carrying orange globe shaped objects and running at one another, with cuss words slipping under the lip. These giants seem to have come from another planet; humans do not look like this. Behind them, the scantily clad women turn on the little boys who can't look at the giants any longer.
Parachutes with deceased burrito tags tied to them, as the sports soldiers snag them from the children's hands, only to see a tear begin to well. A free meal, but the parachute led two of the troopers to "The Drink."
Beers and water; same price. Though an item of clothing, only two dollars more. Children forced to work before they can complete a sentence; the screams of pain echo in the corridor. Pieces of paper made by the hands of dolls fill the isles trying to enter the trough for a look into the wall of truth.
A floating blimp with camera logos and a paper clip McGyver made contraption to drop missiles down to the screaming wilda-beasts. Which disappeared into the roof and was never seen again. Though some of the "usuals" have seen the ruffian blimp.
A section of CIA, or possibly FBI agents, sit lined up in three rows. Behind them sits a giant bird like figure with flaming red eyes. Children are not allowed to enter.
A man runs from each side of the room to show he too can balance a net on his head while children taunt him. Though most of them miss only to be shunned by the hunched over grunt who follows the netted-man.
Shots, not of liquor, for money given away from women with fake hair, teeth and breasts. A large sweepstakes check is brought out only to be booed away, as the woman from New Jersey cries herself to sleep. And slowly slits her wrists in the bathroom, only to find cotton candy rather than blood.
A mass squadron of people with white shaped sticks that sound like a popcorn popper clap them together trying to scare off the terrorists, before the sides are switched and the candy canes are given back to the people. Only the children keep the sticks; Dad doesn't like them.
The local resident missed, what a fool, and for $1 million.Children break dancing to strange beats stolen from Marilyn Manson, Justin Timberlake and The
Addam's Family, not to mention Night Rider. Headspins, back spins and poses to show the true "gangsta" of a 5-10-year-old. As the academic children come on the arena, not to battle, but to be mocked with a flashing device.
Three Russians and a pole put the wowing touch onto the festivities. Two men and one woman, the woman being tossed high into the air, almost falling to her death. Only to be noticed by a minimal part of the beast-like existence of a crowd. She flipped, the men winced, almost killing the midget. Some wolf-like man in a suit set up many mini-stages before leaping through the fire ring. But the fire would not extinguish, some of the hired children helped put out the blaze with their lasers.
This my friends, is the $110 circus, a.k.a. a Minnesota Timberwolves game.
Parachutes with deceased burrito tags tied to them, as the sports soldiers snag them from the children's hands, only to see a tear begin to well. A free meal, but the parachute led two of the troopers to "The Drink."
Beers and water; same price. Though an item of clothing, only two dollars more. Children forced to work before they can complete a sentence; the screams of pain echo in the corridor. Pieces of paper made by the hands of dolls fill the isles trying to enter the trough for a look into the wall of truth.
A floating blimp with camera logos and a paper clip McGyver made contraption to drop missiles down to the screaming wilda-beasts. Which disappeared into the roof and was never seen again. Though some of the "usuals" have seen the ruffian blimp.
A section of CIA, or possibly FBI agents, sit lined up in three rows. Behind them sits a giant bird like figure with flaming red eyes. Children are not allowed to enter.
A man runs from each side of the room to show he too can balance a net on his head while children taunt him. Though most of them miss only to be shunned by the hunched over grunt who follows the netted-man.
Shots, not of liquor, for money given away from women with fake hair, teeth and breasts. A large sweepstakes check is brought out only to be booed away, as the woman from New Jersey cries herself to sleep. And slowly slits her wrists in the bathroom, only to find cotton candy rather than blood.
A mass squadron of people with white shaped sticks that sound like a popcorn popper clap them together trying to scare off the terrorists, before the sides are switched and the candy canes are given back to the people. Only the children keep the sticks; Dad doesn't like them.
The local resident missed, what a fool, and for $1 million.Children break dancing to strange beats stolen from Marilyn Manson, Justin Timberlake and The
Addam's Family, not to mention Night Rider. Headspins, back spins and poses to show the true "gangsta" of a 5-10-year-old. As the academic children come on the arena, not to battle, but to be mocked with a flashing device.
Three Russians and a pole put the wowing touch onto the festivities. Two men and one woman, the woman being tossed high into the air, almost falling to her death. Only to be noticed by a minimal part of the beast-like existence of a crowd. She flipped, the men winced, almost killing the midget. Some wolf-like man in a suit set up many mini-stages before leaping through the fire ring. But the fire would not extinguish, some of the hired children helped put out the blaze with their lasers.
This my friends, is the $110 circus, a.k.a. a Minnesota Timberwolves game.