2008 Woodie Awards
Editorial
Celebrate Independence Day the American way
Issue date: 7/2/07 Section: Opinions
America's birthday is right around the corner.
That means firework stands have popped up in parking lots around the area, and people from all walks of life have started planning how to spend their July 4.
Going to watch fireworks explode is probably the most routine and cliché festivity, and one countless will take part in at St. Cloud's Hester Park and at other area locales.
While there is nothing wrong with spending your night at a fireworks display with hundreds of other strangers, this editorial board has thought of a few things people may enjoy more than watching the same colored balls of powder and light explode in the sky for 20 minutes.
Here is a list of five things area citizens could do that might be a better way to spend Independence Day.
5. As this is St. Cloud, drinking oneself into oblivion would surely qualify as a viable Fourth of July option.
4. Buy an SUV or an oversized pick-up truck with an eagle in the back window in the name of supporting the United States.
3. Do as the president does and attack a country which has never threatened the independence of the United States. Since Iraq has already been taken, we recommend bombing the living hell out of Bulgaria. Sorry innocent Bulgarian men, women and children.
2. Screw city sponsored firework events and conduct your own illegal gathering hell bent on lighting off explosives - and your hands if your lucky.
1. Tune your television set to Fox News for a guaranteed 24-hour viewing of a waving American flag.
That means firework stands have popped up in parking lots around the area, and people from all walks of life have started planning how to spend their July 4.
Going to watch fireworks explode is probably the most routine and cliché festivity, and one countless will take part in at St. Cloud's Hester Park and at other area locales.
While there is nothing wrong with spending your night at a fireworks display with hundreds of other strangers, this editorial board has thought of a few things people may enjoy more than watching the same colored balls of powder and light explode in the sky for 20 minutes.
Here is a list of five things area citizens could do that might be a better way to spend Independence Day.
5. As this is St. Cloud, drinking oneself into oblivion would surely qualify as a viable Fourth of July option.
4. Buy an SUV or an oversized pick-up truck with an eagle in the back window in the name of supporting the United States.
3. Do as the president does and attack a country which has never threatened the independence of the United States. Since Iraq has already been taken, we recommend bombing the living hell out of Bulgaria. Sorry innocent Bulgarian men, women and children.
2. Screw city sponsored firework events and conduct your own illegal gathering hell bent on lighting off explosives - and your hands if your lucky.
1. Tune your television set to Fox News for a guaranteed 24-hour viewing of a waving American flag.