2008 Woodie Awards
Judgement on party affiliation does little
Chad Eldred
Issue date: 7/2/07 Section: Opinions
It's commonly said the years one spends in college are an important aspect in one's growth; a time for change and discovery and a time one learns who they truly are and how they define themselves.
Not me.
I've determined I'm way too busy to take the time to define myself, and so I've decided to let others do it for me, and as a member of the media, finding a definition for who I am has been made that much easier for me.
You see, I've received so many well-written and strongly worded accusations, or maybe I should call them suggestions, about who I am, it's hard not to finally realize the only people who truly know more about my own life are the people reading my stories and columns.
So let's see. I should probably take a moment to recall the letters I've gotten about my blatantly heinous ways.
A while back I was called a voice of conservatism that unabashedly spews Republican propaganda, and more recently I was told my extreme liberalism has caused even loyal Democrats to consider defecting from the party.
A lot of conflicting information to take in, I know, but when I think about my weekly routine, it may all apply.
My Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are spent killing babies, saving trees and hiding illegal immigrants who've committed crimes in my basement, and my Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays are spent shooting people with my NRA-approved gun, dropping bombs on Iraqi children while stealing oil and having wild, yet conservative sex with Ann Coulter.
I guess my week really does qualify me as a feminist supporting, GLBT activist, tree hugging, crazy liberal bastard who also steals from the poor to give to my well-off friends while organizing pro-President Bush rallies in the streets of Venezuela.
It's busy work, but someone has to do it.
So that takes care of my week up until Sunday, but unlike Jesus, I don't rest Sundays, and I'm honestly surprised no one has yet to catch on to my schedule for that day.
Not me.
I've determined I'm way too busy to take the time to define myself, and so I've decided to let others do it for me, and as a member of the media, finding a definition for who I am has been made that much easier for me.
You see, I've received so many well-written and strongly worded accusations, or maybe I should call them suggestions, about who I am, it's hard not to finally realize the only people who truly know more about my own life are the people reading my stories and columns.
So let's see. I should probably take a moment to recall the letters I've gotten about my blatantly heinous ways.
A while back I was called a voice of conservatism that unabashedly spews Republican propaganda, and more recently I was told my extreme liberalism has caused even loyal Democrats to consider defecting from the party.
A lot of conflicting information to take in, I know, but when I think about my weekly routine, it may all apply.
My Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are spent killing babies, saving trees and hiding illegal immigrants who've committed crimes in my basement, and my Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays are spent shooting people with my NRA-approved gun, dropping bombs on Iraqi children while stealing oil and having wild, yet conservative sex with Ann Coulter.
I guess my week really does qualify me as a feminist supporting, GLBT activist, tree hugging, crazy liberal bastard who also steals from the poor to give to my well-off friends while organizing pro-President Bush rallies in the streets of Venezuela.
It's busy work, but someone has to do it.
So that takes care of my week up until Sunday, but unlike Jesus, I don't rest Sundays, and I'm honestly surprised no one has yet to catch on to my schedule for that day.