2008 Woodie Awards
Couples need a length limit
Joseph Froemming
Issue date: 11/15/07 Section: Opinions
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Relationships should not go on past three years. After three, the romance dies. Bitterness and fights emerge, and the next thing you know, you're living with a roommate who will be angry if you screw around with someone else.
Erase those silly Tom Hanks' films where love is eternal and great from your mind. It is simply Hallmark propaganda.
Here is the breakdown of long-lasting relationships. Year one is the best. The person is new, and everything is fresh and exciting. You are in love and all jazzed up on the newness of it all. Everything is fun and exciting. This is the year when bumping uglies goes on all the time.
Year two, things become a little less fun, but more serious. This is when people go crazy and feel they want to be handcuffed to their significant other forever. The dates are more expensive and so on. Rings and promises to stay together and all that are made. There is slightly less uglies being bumped during this time.
Year three is when tension starts to bubble. Everything becomes an argument. The animosity over small things from the previous two years starts trampling through the brain like an army of annoyances. Bumping uglies usually only comes along after a fight, during the make-up period.
Year four and beyond is gravy. Fights and passive aggressive attitudes make up 90 percent of the relationship. Yet, this is also around the time people decide to handcuff themselves to their significant other. Perhaps it is the fear of not having someone around who will put up with you. Bumping uglies becomes a chore at this point forward.
Now, there are exceptions to this rule. There are a few who truly do find someone who they are jazzed up about for the rest of their lives. This is an exception to the rule, not the rule. I can't think of a single couple from high school who were called "High School Sweethearts" that are still together. That is just Hollywood.
Maybe if we lived in an honest society where people could simply say, "I'm not happy" without everything falling apart, we would be better off.
Erase those silly Tom Hanks' films where love is eternal and great from your mind. It is simply Hallmark propaganda.
Here is the breakdown of long-lasting relationships. Year one is the best. The person is new, and everything is fresh and exciting. You are in love and all jazzed up on the newness of it all. Everything is fun and exciting. This is the year when bumping uglies goes on all the time.
Year two, things become a little less fun, but more serious. This is when people go crazy and feel they want to be handcuffed to their significant other forever. The dates are more expensive and so on. Rings and promises to stay together and all that are made. There is slightly less uglies being bumped during this time.
Year three is when tension starts to bubble. Everything becomes an argument. The animosity over small things from the previous two years starts trampling through the brain like an army of annoyances. Bumping uglies usually only comes along after a fight, during the make-up period.
Year four and beyond is gravy. Fights and passive aggressive attitudes make up 90 percent of the relationship. Yet, this is also around the time people decide to handcuff themselves to their significant other. Perhaps it is the fear of not having someone around who will put up with you. Bumping uglies becomes a chore at this point forward.
Now, there are exceptions to this rule. There are a few who truly do find someone who they are jazzed up about for the rest of their lives. This is an exception to the rule, not the rule. I can't think of a single couple from high school who were called "High School Sweethearts" that are still together. That is just Hollywood.
Maybe if we lived in an honest society where people could simply say, "I'm not happy" without everything falling apart, we would be better off.