2008 Woodie Awards
Sasquatch is part of primitive evolution
Andy Downs
Issue date: 11/29/07 Section: Opinions
- Page 1 of 2 next >
It's about time we moved on with our lives and finally come to terms with what we've been denying for too long. Time to face the music and accept science.
All of you skeptics and Sasquatch-haters out there, listen up, because here comes the truth. A rare species of giant wood ape, more commonly known as "bigfoot," exists and might be more important to human evolution than we could imagine.
Where to start? Well, for starters, there have been a small number of large primate bones found in Asia. The ancient species has the scientific handle, Gigantopithecus, which in Latin means "giant ape." Scientists are pretty sure this sucker walked upright and was more than 9-feet tall and weighed almost a half ton.
Giganto lived in the northern forests of Asia and was hunted by homo erectus, our primitive half-monkey cousins. Since Asia was connected to Alaska via ice bridge during Giganto's existence, it is presumed the big ape began to travel as far away from the half-humans and ended up in the harsh, snow-covered climate of modern Alaska and Canada, as well as south toward the Himalayas.
The centuries of adaptation and evolution to occur from their pilgrimage presents us with what people of Tibet and Nepal know as Yeti. Bears adapted over centuries to living in ice and snow and became white polar bears, so really, it's not that hard to believe.
As their already small population died off over centuries, Gigantopithecus evolved and became a bit smarter and more elusive, especially since they had the entire Pacific Northwest to inhabit, from Alaska to California.
Most documented bigfoot sightings have occurred in this region, namely the most historic one, by Roger Patterson and Robert Gimlin in 1967.
Patterson and Gimlin were out enjoying the countryside when he saw an enormous, hair-covered, upright biped cautiously walk away from him into the wilderness. Good thing he had his camera, because the footage he took that afternoon is the only piece of film to hold up valor against countless scientific examinations. YouTube it for yourself.
All of you skeptics and Sasquatch-haters out there, listen up, because here comes the truth. A rare species of giant wood ape, more commonly known as "bigfoot," exists and might be more important to human evolution than we could imagine.
Where to start? Well, for starters, there have been a small number of large primate bones found in Asia. The ancient species has the scientific handle, Gigantopithecus, which in Latin means "giant ape." Scientists are pretty sure this sucker walked upright and was more than 9-feet tall and weighed almost a half ton.
Giganto lived in the northern forests of Asia and was hunted by homo erectus, our primitive half-monkey cousins. Since Asia was connected to Alaska via ice bridge during Giganto's existence, it is presumed the big ape began to travel as far away from the half-humans and ended up in the harsh, snow-covered climate of modern Alaska and Canada, as well as south toward the Himalayas.
The centuries of adaptation and evolution to occur from their pilgrimage presents us with what people of Tibet and Nepal know as Yeti. Bears adapted over centuries to living in ice and snow and became white polar bears, so really, it's not that hard to believe.
As their already small population died off over centuries, Gigantopithecus evolved and became a bit smarter and more elusive, especially since they had the entire Pacific Northwest to inhabit, from Alaska to California.
Most documented bigfoot sightings have occurred in this region, namely the most historic one, by Roger Patterson and Robert Gimlin in 1967.
Patterson and Gimlin were out enjoying the countryside when he saw an enormous, hair-covered, upright biped cautiously walk away from him into the wilderness. Good thing he had his camera, because the footage he took that afternoon is the only piece of film to hold up valor against countless scientific examinations. YouTube it for yourself.