A relationship is more than just facebook and emails

At what point has it become acceptable to text someone, "I love you" for the first time? If William Shakespeare were alive in our generation, what would Romeo and Juliet look like? It'd be a bi-curious, androgynous man and a make-up, highlighted, texting promiscuous girl (who by the way, kissed a girl and liked it) who met through mutual friends on facebook.

The truth of the matter is, our generation is losing a sense of romanticism. Now I'm not saying I want a dashing young man wearing tights, poofy shorts and crazy shoulder pads to come galavanting to my rescue. However I also don't want to be told, "I love you" in a text message. I also don't want to be dumped via facebook.

I believe that it's not because our generation isn't capable, intellectually or emotionally, of expressing ourselves through iambic pentameter (well, on second thought, I'll kiss the first boy (not a theatre/english major) who knows what that even means) or haiku (please tell me you know  what that is at least), but because we have instant gratification and we don't truly understand and appreciate heartache.

Through instant gratification we have ultimately designed how we ask and break up with someone to be completely insignificant. Long gone are the days when you'd have to come face to face with somebody and ask them out on a date (and not a hang out people-that's a whole other article in itself, dating vs. hanging out). Forever in the pages of romantic comedy scripts will we only be able to see the actual time of meeting someone, going on a date, slowly building a relationship and then falling in love. Asking someone out has become as simple as a click on the keyboard or a send button in a text. Now instead of learning of somebody for who they are, we have profiles and websites that ask us a million questions and match us with who it (the computer) "thinks" (the fact that we think the computer thinks,well, it's just sad) we should be with.

I am definitely guilty of facebook stalking someone, then googling them, then befriending their friends and finding out as much as possible without ever meeting them. Before you go on a date, it's not uncommon to check up on the person, see who you are going out with. What it leads to most of the time (for me anyway) is not going out on the actual date. We rely on pictures of people whether they are photogenic or not to tell their "1000" words, because we have lost finding a thousand words in actually seeing and being with them.

Why? Well I think it's because we fear rejection, we fear heartache, we fear putting ourselves 100% completely on the line. What it comes down to is if you've ever met someone online, you will not die having lived 100% on the line, which doesn't mean if you haven't met someone online that you shouldn't. The internet is how people meet these days and we have to accept how the times are changing. However we don't need to lose a sense of going on a whim, asking someone out on a date in person, trying to go out more often and meeting people by happenstance and not because you searched for a certain criteria and they fit. It's so easy to just go online and break up with somebody, because you can spend hours wording how you want to say what you want to say and then just send it without ever being effected by emotion. You might feel heartache or be upset in some capacity. However you can't truly know what it feels like to break someone's heart or to have your heart broken until you've seen the other person's face as one of you is ending a relationship with the other.

It doesn't surprise me that divorce rates are going up, because there are billions of people on this planet and to say, "There's only one person; our soulmate" is just bologna. Yes we are all unique but to say we only fit with just one other person on this planet would be denying what we know now. Which is that we can connect across continents, cultures and generations through technology. And while that's extremely exciting, we are losing what I consider one of the most important human emotions; heartache. It's that whole without hate you can't have love, without love you can't have hate. Well without heartache you can't truly appreciate a person who makes you feel like 1 in a billion (even though we know there are others out there).

We hide behind our screens of security because it makes us stronger when in fact we are weakening ourselves and soon the world is going to come to what a young inventor was showing Oprah the other day. A little mini computer (the size of a palm pilot) that everyone would have with their profile and picture and say you walk into a bar, your computer would detect all those in that bar and tell you who you best match. And people are thrilled by this idea, they think it's genius and for those of us who have been called the guardians of the spoken word (actors-yeah!) we fear losing a raw, real emotion that makes us all appreciate that person in our life as these machines make their way into the secular world. Maybe romanticism is just getting faster and I am one of few (or many depending on the area, age, sexual orientation and ideals) who appreciate the time and effort in building a relationship and being romantic because I've broken up and been broken up with in person (and I've sent my fair share of e-mails too, but hey, they were to girls and I'm gay so I don't think it matters at this point) and I've asked people out on whims at the bar, the park or a party (and yes I have several profiles on sites telling me who to date). We should try to have the immediacy of the internet but value and strive for the longevity of pure happenstance through our appreciation of actual heartache. After all, Romeo might not have lasted with Juliet had it been a meet cue (movie term for happenstance meeting) on facebook.