Retirement can be the best option

Retirement. It is a word that so many in the sports world refuse to utter, yet one that many should.

Some feel you can’t tell an elite athlete when it’s time to go. They have, after all, spent the vast majority of their lives playing a game that has, in many cases, made them millions.

Then there are the ideas of coaches, managers, agents, commissioners and players that should also face a retirement. But, for one reason or another, these annoying asides to sport seem to stick around.

I don’t agree with said stances. Therefore, here is my Top Ten list of people, places and things that need to find a new home, preferably away from the game.

10. Hockey in the South.

I ranted about this previously, but it deserves another lashing. There is no argument that could sway me in favor of having hockey south of Missouri.

Did you watch the Wild game in L.A.? There were more fans—way more fans—at a WNBA game than there were at Staples Center. And L.A. is the one warm weather locale that makes sense.

9. The WNBA.

I am all for women having the opportunity to make money playing sports. But basketball is boring in its own right, and the drop in athleticism makes it worse.

I would love to see ESPN replace it with six-on-six volleyball. That is a great game.

8. Baseball in Florida.

It seems like the perfect place, but in a state full of college football, golf courses and old people from the north, the game struggles too much for the effort.

7. Four NFL teams.

This is the longest of long shots, but for the future of the league it must be done. And I know just the ones.

Jacksonville, Oakland, San Diego and Detroit.

The Jags can’t give away their product. The Raiders won’t commit to excellence again until Al Davis is gone. The Chargers want a stadium, but the city won’t buy it. And Detroit? I’d like to hear any argument in favor of keeping the Lions. I seriously can’t think of one.

6. Madden.

The man is already gone from the booth. Why he didn’t take his video game franchise with him is beyond me. Electronic Arts tries less than a Paris Hilton porno.

5. Celebrations.

If you move more than one yard toward the opponent’s goal line after a tackle, it should cost your team 15 yards.

If you break stride on a home run trot, especially staring from the batter’s box, you are immediately called out.

Holding your hand aloft, or staring at the camera after a dunk, results in a technical foul.

All hockey celebrations are admissible. Hey, if the opponent doesn’t like it, they can drop the gloves.

4. Participation trophies.

 Why is it that sports are singled out in this sense? The goal is to win. I don’t care if it’s a youth soccer game, scores should be recorded and kept track of.

If Little Johnny cries because he didn’t score a goal, give him some shoulder pads and a helmet and teach him American football.

3. Sports anthems.

Yes, you’re the champion. Nothing like Freddy Mercury to tell the world that you’re the best. Wait, the world was watching. Go party in your mansion and leave Queen alone.

2. Joe Buck and Chip Caray.

Your dads were awesome. You are not. Move along.

1. Washington’s nickname.

Look, I stand on the “let it go” side of the UND Fighting Sioux argument. However, I do understand the people who want it changed. What I don’t understand is how the Redskins continue to use the name in direct association with a Native American logo.

The NFL and angry public has reached a new low with this double standard.