Sex and the Media

Al Buczkowski

Several Thursdays ago, in a shrewd, yet shamefully overt attempt to gain ratings during the crucial “sweeps” period, ABC decided to replace its regularly slotted “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” with a Victoria’s Secret fashion show. The show was nothing but an hour of genetically impossible women jiggling down a runway in underwear that lacked in both functionality and fabric. This obvious exploitation of beautiful women for corporate gain has brought forth a myriad of bitter sociological questions. Most importantly, did anyone out there happen to tape it? Seriously, I was at the library that night. I forgot all about it and I haven’t forgiven myself yet. Sweet mother of mercy, did the advertisements for it look hot though!

If you happen to be one of the thousands of people that flooded ABC’s phone lines concerning your outrage that programming like this would be allowed on the air, stop it. You’re ruining it for the rest of us. Why don’t you get a hobby or something; maybe origami. Nobody likes Bible-thumping conservatives, but everybody likes cute paper frogs. Look, this country needs more conservatives like this paper needs another opinion piece on UND’s mascot, or like civilization needs anyone named Tad. (Note to anyone named Tad over 200 pounds: Al Buczkowski is just a pseudonym that I, University President Roy Saigo, use to write this column. It should also be noted that I live with an unstable, ill-tempered and cocaine-addicted mountain lion.)

In case you haven’t figured it out, the world revolves around sex, and television is the perfect example of that. Take the parasitic relationship between Britney Spears and MTV. Without MTV’s devotion to beauty over talent, and with the voice Britney has, she would currently be performing at county fair talent shows, consistently placing third behind Donny Joe the champion hog caller and some guy that can lift large household appliances with his testicles. There is no such thing as an ugly pop star anymore, and if one does exist, they got their start before MTV.

If anything, I give ABC credit for just going ahead and cutting out the middle-man. Most television programs during the sweeps period are just thinly veiled vehicles to show as much sex as possible to get the highest rating anyway. At least ABC had the courtesy to just give us the gratuitous sexual situations without all the hassle of an irritating plotline.

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Al Buczkowski can be reached at: [email protected]

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