We'll throw in a teddy bear, too!

Sean LaFavor

And now, CNN's continuing coverage of America's "War on Terrorism," brought to you by United Airlines. Come fly the friendly skies of United.

Please?

It has been four months since madmen flew jet airplanes into the side of the World Trade Center towers and the Pentagon. The wounds are still very fresh to those directly affected by these outrageous acts, but that doesn't mean that it is too early for people to start cashing in.

Yes, in truly American fashion, we're taking the most monumentally horrific event of our recent history, and we're marketing the hell out of it! We're promoting it shamelessly.

Americans must never forget this terrible tragedy. We must be vigilant.

That's why for a limited time only, you can get your own little memento of history. Call now and we'll send you pins, posters, bumper stickers, hats, flags, comforters, pillow cases, special tribute albums�

Fifteen percent of all proceeds go to charity to help those affected.

Last week, while doing a little perusing of the movie shelves at Best Buy, I saw something that I thought surely would take a couple of years to materialize: a highlight video. I said a highlight video. "America 911" is the title, and it chronicles the events of Sept. 11 in full detail, presumably for those who missed the three-week, non-stop original version that invaded every television and cable station. And it's only $17.99!

Apparently somebody decided it would be appropriate to run with this idea now before some other scheming bloke beat them to it. Probably Fox. Once again, I have underestimated my fellow American.

For those of you who missed it last Monday, an Associated Press story announced that the Minnesota House of Representatives introduced a bill calling for a new Sept. 11-themed lottery game. The idea is to put Osama bin Laden's mug on a scratch-off ticket, allowing players to "obliterate" his face while perhaps lining their own pockets a bit as well.

Sixty percent of all proceeds will go to anti-terrorist causes.

"Can you imagine the guys sitting in the American Legion, how they'll respond?" asked Republican Representative Rich Stanek of Maple Grove in the AP piece.

Why didn't somebody think of this earlier?

This must prove once and for all that in America today, anything that seems to get caught in the web of our collective conscious is immediately, wholly and ruthlessly strip-mined for anything of value by anybody who stands to profit from it. Even something as horrendous as the attacks of Sept. 11.

Back when this tragedy first occurred, people were asking why. They wanted to grasp how somebody could do such a thing and still consider themselves a human being. It is still a valid question, though it has been buried in the avalanche of B.S. that has ensued. I believe the answer lies right in front of our noses.

As you can all see, America is perhaps the most exploitative society on the face of the Earth. Throughout our history, we have taken advantage of any people, place, thing or situation we encountered if it meant a profit could be turned.

"Here it is: America, the New World. Ours to roam from sea to shining sea. We only first need to dispose of these chaps over here, or at least get them to put some clothing on."

The Indians had no concept of land ownership, but we did. And we had the guns, so here we are.

We've taken advantage of every ethnic group that ever set foot on our soil (some worse than others); we've exploited our natural resources to the point of near exhaustion, and we've never thought twice about exploiting everyone else's either.

And if trouble should arise in some far off corner of the globe, we're usually all too eager to lend arms to whichever warring faction best favored our agendas, up to and including the butt holes who organized these attacks.

In a nutshell, this is why jets were hijacked and flown into the sides of three of America's most symbolic buildings, tributes to our prowess in capitalism and war. This is why we sit on pins and needles waiting for the next psycho with a vendetta.

We've pissed in our bed, now we must sleep in it.

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Sean LaFavor can be reached at: [email protected]

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