On Drinking
 Scott Bushee
|
|
"Would you choose,
Water over wine?
Hold the wheel and drive."
-Incubus
I used to drink a lot. By "a lot", I mean, of course, every Thursday. And, by "every Thursday," I of course mean, every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Similarly, by that I mean . . . well, hell, you get the picture.
For the longest time I didn't understand why I drank as much as I did. I never much cared for it. I hate the lack of intelligence and self-control which accompanies it.
Upon reflection, I have come to understand my previous contradictory urge, and I think that it is the same urge that propels many of you towards that long night of hovering over the toilet bowl.
I think that it was fear.
Fear of what, you ask? Not of what, but of whom. I was afraid of you. Not you, the reader in particular, but you in a plural sense, as a person in general. I was terrified to just relax and be myself around other people. I cared so much about what other people thought of me. I feared showing myself, because that led to possible rejection.
I think that, in moments of solitude, each of us ponders the nature and extent of the social forces that hold us back. Everyone thinks about that time when you had those beautiful words to say, but you didn't. You held back. You think about that moment, and you wish you could have that time back.
The thing is, all of that anxiety, all of that fear, it is all in your head. It is like a bag full of bricks that you carry around. This is where alcohol comes into play. Because fear is just a mental state, and because alcohol is poison that inhibits thinking, drinking is a method of temporarily setting down that bag. Just as Novocaine dulls the pain in teeth, alcohol dulls the pain in souls.
Fortunately, there is a better way. Because fear is a mental state, all you have to do to be free of it is change your mind. Unfortunately, because we are creatures of habit, this is much more difficult than it sounds. Those methods people adopt to deal with the world, even if wrong, have the illusion of being real and true for that individual. Practice makes permanent. However, like anything, those who are determined to change for the better can do so.
All you have to do is truly want it.
Scott Bushee can be reached at: [email protected]
|
|
|
|
