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Roommates share experiences
 Media Credit: Allison Long LaToya Davis, Aziza Bowser and LeAndra Padgett eat dinner Thursday in their three-bedroom off campus from Florida State University.
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Melanie Yeager
Knight Ridder Newspapers
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — It's a momentous day on Pontiac Drive: Aziza Bowser is cooking spaghetti.
Just the thought sends roommates LeAndra Padgett and LaToya Davis into a fit of giggles. After living with Bowser for a few years, they know she rarely turns on the stove and probably shouldn't.
Case in point: Bowser once burned a Pop-Tart to a crisp just warming it up in the microwave.
But that's what living together is all about, the roommates said — adjusting to one another's quirks, habits, strengths and weaknesses. They may seem like little things, but they can escalate out of control if conflict builds.
"We've had anything from just one roommate slapping the other to some pretty violent, knock-down, drag-out fights," said Sgt. Donna Brown, who supervises the homicide/assault unit of the Tallahassee Police Department.
For Bowser and Padgett, the roommate relationship jelled that first night as strangers in their Florida A&M University dorm room.
"We still have not figured it out," said Bowser, a 21-year-old political science major. "I have a big family so it's nothing for me to live with anyone. She (Padgett) used to have the only-child syndrome."
Padgett, a 21-year-old psychology major, admits Bowser's the first person she's been comfortable sharing her belongings with.
After freshman year, the duo moved into a three-bedroom house off campus. They eventually invited Davis, a graduate student at Florida State University, to join them.
"I debated about living by myself, but then I'd have to come home and talk to walls," Davis said.
The three go in different directions during the school week. Bowser serves as Senate president for FAMU's student government. Padgett is a song leader in the Sigma Alpha Iota music group. Davis is the director of Essence Dance Theatre.
"Once school starts we don't see each other," Davis said.
But occasionally they eat at home or go out dancing together. They've mourned dead fish and breakups with boyfriends. And they laugh — a lot.
Not all roommate relationships, however, turn out so rosy. Many students interviewed tell tales of living arrangements that have soured in less than a semester.
Ryan Maue, a new graduate student at FSU, didn't even consider finding a roommate in Tallahassee after his last experience at the University of Michigan. He said one of his two apartment mates seemed fine on the surface but eventually showed signs of social anxiety and tried to commit suicide.
"We just felt like we had to tiptoe around him," Maue said. They got out of the situation by stopping their rent payments and getting themselves evicted.
Noah Bailin's experiences during his five years as an FSU undergraduate weren't as extreme, but just as frustrating. He had to take care of puppies abandoned by roommates with good intentions. He saw his utility bill rise after a roommate's girlfriend became a permanent fixture. He advises against living with friends because you might end up hating them. Better yet, he said, live alone.
Gail Palo, a licensed mental health counselor at FSU's Student Counseling Center, said miscommunication is probably the biggest reason roommates don't get along. One roommate expects the other to take out the trash; another is waiting for the dishes to be cleaned.
"Often, students move in together because they're really good friends, but living together is a whole different thing," Palo said.
On the other hand, students may expect too much friendship from roommates they just met.
"Maybe you've already got enough friends or you're not their type of friend," Palo said.
The counseling center can help students talk through their complaints and discover whether their frustrations are reasonable.
Tallahassee police see the angry results of roommate conflict.
"Unfortunately some of these kids don't have the best anger management skills, and a lot of times alcohol gets involved and it can end up physical," Brown said. She said police often see these problems at the mammoth apartment complexes where rooms are rented individually and tenants share common kitchen and living areas.
She suggests talking to apartment managers before the issue escalates, showing restraint instead of fighting back and reporting physical abuse to police immediately.
Deal with issues before they become loud arguments, she said, and remember it usually begins with the little nuisances.
"Eating somebody else's food is a biggie," Brown said.
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