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Discussion closes month of awareness
By Jamie Garberich
 Media Credit: Blair Schlichte Kim Salitros talked about her experience being in an abusive relationship Thursday in Atwood Little Theater. Salitros became involved with an older man at the age of 18; during their four-year relationship, he physically abused her several times.
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At age 18, Kim Salitros became involved in a relationship with an older man named Mike.
During their four year relationship, the man who she believed loved her, slammed her face against a window, pushed her ear down on the stick shift of his truck and beat her face like a human punching bag until her nose blended into the side of her face.
Salitros told her emotional story along with a discussion on emotional abuse by Deb Shroeder, coordinator for Community Education and Services at the Central Minnesota Task Force on Battered Women, Thursday at the Atwood Theater. The discussion marked the end of October's Domestic Violence Awareness month, and marked the beginning of awareness and liberation for some victims and future victims of domestic abuse.
"One in four women will experience abuse in their lifetime," Shroeder said.
This statistic became personal as Shroeder asked the audience to count off in fours and notice that one in each group has or will experience some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime.
Shroeder said abuse cannot be easily defined. She works at a women's shelter called Anna Marie's where victims of domestic abuse can stay in a safe environment and receive help and support.
"Every victim's story and every abuser's tactics can be different," Shroeder said, "That's why there isn't a definite definition of abuse."
When the issue of abuse comes up, most people think of the physical, such as hitting, slapping, choking or assault with a weapon.
There are many forms of abuse, Shroeder explained. Other forms are emotional, sexual and verbal abuse. Not only did Salitros experience physical abuse in her relationship with Mike, but she also fell victim to emotional and verbal abuse, which can be just as serious and traumatizing as physical abuse.
In Salitros' relationship, Mike tried and was successful in establishing control over her. He forced her to sever ties with her family and friends and called her names such as stupid, idiot and ugly. Salitros said she started to believe Mike, and the verbal abuse became so severe that she became suicidal. While this sort of abuse seems just as horrifying and crippling as the physical abuse Salitros suffered, physical abuse is the only kind of abuse considered against the law as fifth degree assault and put on an abuser's record.
Making people aware of all the forms of abuse is one of the reasons Shroeder and Salitros make appearances and discuss domestic abuse. The Women's Center at SCSU also informs people about abuse and offers support for those involved in domestic abuse or those worried about someone who is.
People who walked by Stewart Hall last week may have noticed paper "gravestones" put up by the Women's Center with statistics on victims of abuse from the annual Minnesota femicide report put out by the Coalition on Battered Women. Those who grabbed a cup of coffee in Atwood or took a shortcut across campus also could have also viewed the clothesline project hanging in Atwood. The project served as a memorial to victims of abuse or as first time releases from people willing to share their stories to alert people of this type of abuse and its impact.
"We (Women's Center) provide referrals, and deal with sexual assault, violence and provide support for various issues," said Emily Voller, student worker at the Women's Center and coordinator of Domestic Violence Awareness month.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, there is hope and help. If you have any concerns of abuse, these are some common characteristics according to the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project:
Physical violence such as hitting, slapping, choking and assault with a weapon.
Using coercion and threats. This could involve threatening to leave the victim, threatening to commit suicide or hurt someone or making the victim drop charges.
Using economic abuse. The abuser may prevent the victim from getting or keeping a job, making the victim ask or give money or making the victim afraid to leave out of fear of having no place to go.
Using emotional abuse. The victim is put down, made to feel bad about him/herself and mind games are played.
Using isolation. This involves controlling the victim, such as who he/she talks to, where he/she goes and using jealousy to justify actions.
While these are not all of the characteristics, all forms of abuse are based on power and control. If you or someone you know needs help for any form of abuse, there are places to seek help in the St. Cloud area. Call Anna Marie's at 253-6900 or the SCSU Women's Center at 255-4958.
"It (domestic abuse awareness) is up to each and every one of us to be aware of behaviors," Shroeder said. "If we're helping one person overcome an abusive relationship, it's worth it."
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