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Some people will not be helped
By Kristen Kubisiak
Published:
Thursday, January 30, 2003
Kristen J. Kubisiak -- Staff Essay
They are all around us.
Roommates, peers, parents, friends, employers and even strangers. People we want to help, but don't know how.
Why don't we know how? Well there are a number of reasons:
Unlike in Western "shoot 'em up" films, seldom are our loved ones' problems as easy to identify as a debilitating bullet wound, rather just the opposite.
People, for the most part, have become experts at concealing their pain, whatever its origin. Unfortunately, this is one way those who care are rendered helpless.
What's more, today many of the wounds harbored by friends and relatives and are on the inside, are far more difficult to treat.
Why do people have to hide these problems?
Despite the "social" schema that seems inherent in "society's" very design, it seems many people do the majority of their living inside of themselves.
This is one way they are able to hide their problems with such skill. Ultimately though, this produces more than one negative side-effect.
Sanctioning themselves from others, they do more than foster an injury unlikely to heal, they keep the society from functioning to its fullest potential, the potential that can only be reached with the fullest participation of all of its members.
Another way people are able to hide their problems or at least partially shield them from view is through the assistance of props.
These "props," however, need not the prowess of a professional make up artist or seamstress to be developed.
People are born fully equipped with all the tools they need to trick others into believing that they are well. A fake smile, healthy skin, bushy hair, bright eyes, robust laughter, all are capable of the most extreme deceit.
It is true, not all people are capable of hiding the inner conflicts they may be experiencing, big or small. But it is the people who can deceive that particularly concern me.
People that you can confront on an issue and they look straight in your eyes and lie.
The catch about being human is being flawed and imperfect and even as they may try to hide and deny the problems and feelings they harbor inside, a slip-up is inevitable.
In other words, evidence of one's internalizing will inevitably materialize for someone else to see.
Any problem, any feelings swept beneath the surface will, over time, give itself away.
So in the meantime, how are people supposed to respond?
When confronted with the evidence, albeit often mediocre at best, these people will often deny the problem, or feelings they have, and only continue to lie, or become angry with the confrontation.
There are many many people in the world with problems, and there is no way one could possibly ever compare the problems of one person with another, because everyone has their threshold of pain, of what they can stand or tolerate.
So how do you help them?
Often their poor reception of one's attempts to make themselves available or stop destructive behavior only serve to hurt the person who is trying to help.
Thus the cycle of internalizing continues.
And it will continue until the term "society" will no longer be a group of people, it will be the world as it exists in the mind of the individual.
How do you help another person?
I really don't know.
