News
Briefly
Calendar of Events
Commentary
Opinions
Sports
Diversions
World News
Login
Letter Submission
Search
Archive
Publishing Policy
Classifieds
Mail Subscriptions
St. Cloud State University
College Publisher
Home
>
News
Counsel gives support
By Regina Eckes
Published:
Monday, March 31, 2003
Media Credit: scott theisen
Ashlee Mclaird talks about avoiding news to keep from thinking about the War. McLaird�s brother is deployed in the Persian Gulf with the Navy. Her husband remains stationed at a Wisconsin Army base awaiting possible deployment orders.
Media Credit: scott theisen
Angie Trulson smiles as the group shares common feelings and experiences. Trulson�s fianc� is serving with the Marines in North Carolina as he awaits possible deployment to the Middle East.
Ashley McLaird, Angie Trulson, Dawn Brullo and Jessica Storz are all students at SCSU. While they may go to class and act as any regular college student would, their minds are focused on their significant others that are a part of America's armed forces and have been deployed.
There was a somber atmosphere in Atwood's Sauk Room Thursday night at 7 p.m. as the four students met with counselors Jayne Lokken and Rose Stark from the Counseling Center. They discussed their current situations with their loved ones and how they are dealing with their relationships during this changing time of war.
A huge part of the frustration when dealing with the war in Iraq is that they cannot get away from it when they need to. They try to think about other things that make them happy, but whenever they pick up a paper, turn on the TV or radio they are bombarded with the uncertainty that they do not know when they will see their loved ones again.
"It's so hard to get away from it," Trulson said, whose fianc� is in the Marine Corp. "I went to the airport and I had to find a place where I couldn't hear it. I was making laps around the stores and hallways because every single gate had the TV on. I was just lying on the floor with my ears shut. It was so loud and everyone was talking about it; it's everywhere I go."
When something like war is so new to this generation of college students, various emotions are felt that many may not have encountered before. One of them is the feeling of guilt. They do not feel right about being positive while their loved ones may be suffering.
"I start feeling guilty if I start feeling too happy," McLaird said, whose husband was her high school sweetheart and is in the army reserves. "I think 'What am I doing feeling happy when he's miserable?' I know it's not rational, but it's still there."
Storz knows exactly what McLaird was talking about. She is graduating in the spring and just received a job, but not having her husband around to hear the good news is difficult.
"I got a job offer Monday and I'm so excited, but it was so hard to be excited because I wanted him to be there to share it with me," Storz said.
Another emotion or state of mind present is the feeling that everything is insignificant. Things that once seemed important and were a priority have lost much of their meaning and value. Schoolwork has been especially hard to focus on because when it comes to worrying about an assignment or about a family member, there is no contest for these women.
Though homework may very well be insignificant overall, counselors believe it can be beneficial to help people think about something else besides the war.
"With your course work you think, 'what do I care about what this instructor wants from me?' One of the ways you can look at it is something that you can focus on to relieve a little bit of the stress that you're under," Lokken said. "Not that you care about the assignment or that it means anything to you expect for as a way of coping with what you're dealing with now."
With all of the different opinions about war floating around, the students know that they are going to hear about people being anti-war. However, even though they respect and appreciate other people's ideas and views, they find supporting the troops to be something essential when dealing with the war. They believe supporting the troops is not the same thing as supporting the war.
"It's frustrating because they think they're being so nice by saying, 'we're pro troops, we want them to come home, but you're not pro troops. You're not supporting them; you're saying what they're doing is wrong," McLaird said in regards to all of the demonstrations she has witnessed over the last weeks.
Another point made was that the majority of members of the army did not want or expect to go to war and did not want to be taken away from their families and friends.
"It's not like any of our people want to be over there," Trulson said. "Does your husband or your boyfriend really actually want to be away from his home and living in a place with cockroaches and sleeping in dirt? That's not the way it is."
"They're out there putting their lives on the line. Willing or not, they're out there doing it," McLaird agreed.
The students felt that the Support the Troops Rally was an event that made them even more proud of their loved ones serving the country. Now that America is at war, they want people to start encouraging and have positive actions in such negative times.
The uncertainty of not knowing what is happening to their loved ones and when they are coming back is a thought that clouds these women's minds constantly.
Dealing with their feelings of frustration, sadness and emptiness has not been easy. Some of the women have found they do not buy as many groceries now and they end up eating less. Others admit that they have smoked considerably more since their loved ones left. Though Storz is going through a painful time, she finds comfort in something as simple as walking.
"Going for walks helps whenever you feeling like you're going to explode or the whole world is caving in on you," Storz said. "It helps you to just breathe fresh air and take a look around at what he's protecting right now. It makes you appreciate a lot."
Continuing with daily routines is also something counselors recommend. Not necessarily pretending that everything is the same, but to stay consistent with the familiar patterns of life. And the four students are trying their best to keep moving on.
"I think I need to do what my husband is doing. Just go and do my life," said McLaird.
While her fianc� is away, Trulson is focusing on her upcoming wedding and the thought of starting a new journey with him.
"We're going to get married in June and I'm going to be moving into an apartment by myself. I'll be married and alone," said Trulson in tears before smiling on her next thought. "I'm looking forward to moving out and starting up our home and I feel like it's going to be something I'm working on for the both of us. So when he comes home it'll be our home."
Whenever a traumatic event happens, people need healthy ways of venting their feelings and coping with the emotions at hand. It is important to know what you need and to let people know what that is so they can be your support. Lokken gave out portions of advice to the women regarding the war, but her tips can be applied to any stressful situation.
"Focus on what factors you have control of and what factors you don't," said Lokken. "For example, getting exercise is something you have control of and eating when you don't feel like it. It helps looking at things from that perspective."
Keeping busy and concentrated on something other than war is important as well. Dwelling on the situation most often only makes the feelings worse.
"It's important to take a break. And distracting yourself is one way of coping that can be helpful. Putting yourself into your school work is one way of distraction and it serves another purpose as well," commented Lokken.
All four students found that meeting with the counselors and each other was beneficial. They were able to not only talk about what they felt but were able to share it with people who had a common connection and could understand what they were going through.
The Counseling Center wishes to have the meeting again and possibly on a weekly basis. They encourage those students who have any connection to people in the war to come and discuss, listen and hopefully learn as well.
Forum:
No comments have been posted for this story.
Post a comment
Privacy Policy
Network Advertising
Article Syndication
