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Commentary
'Minnesota Nice' myth dispelled
By Kristen Kubisiak
Published:
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Kristen Kubisiak
There is nothing "nice" about Minnesota.
For those individuals who hail from a state or country other than the land of the Vikings, you know what I mean.
Upon arriving in Minnesota, newcomers are quickly schooled on a common myth among those who dwell here. This is the myth of "Minnesota nice."
Though Minnesotans may have slightly different interpretations of the phrase, most are fairly comparable in meaning.
When asked to describe "Minnesota nice" a common response is, "People in Minnesota are just more friendly" or "People in Minnesota will smile and wave at people they don't know."
Being from Wisconsin, and having visited several other states and countries, I fail to see Minnesotans as being significantly more friendly than residents of other locations. In addition, the only time city-dwelling Minnesotans have become so bold as to smile and wave at me, previously unaquainted, is when they are stumbling out of the downtown bars around 1 a.m.
My personal "research" of the "Minnesota nice" myth has been ongoing the past four years and while it has yet to be proven true, I have made other significant observations. What other places identify as passive aggression, Minnesotans refer to as "nice."
Most people, in any state or country (the United States for sure), may be at least familiar with passive aggression.
Passive aggression is the part that comes after "Minnesota nice." It's when a group of girls walking through the Atwood Mall encounters a friend they hug and kiss then after she is out of earshot call "slut." It's when some guy in an econ class says he really doesn't mind doing the most time-consuming part of the group project, then regards the rest of his group with quiet contempt.
According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, over 32 million people, one in six adults will sufffer a bout with depression. What does this have to do with passive agression?
Part of the reason people feel depressed is because they don't feel like they are in control of their lives. Passive aggression is the result of a not being assertive.
Over half of the people experiencing depression see a psychiatrist, and today there are long lists of "solutions" they can expect to be given: Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor, the list goes on and on.
While not demeaning the legitimacy of depression or its orally ingested cures, it is important to acknowledge there are some symptoms doctor-prescribed pills won't cure. One of those symptoms is societal norms.
As children, many people were taught to always please or defer to others. They are taught that it is not nice, or maybe it is not in accordance with predominant religious or political beliefs, to consider personal needs above those of others. They are taught that if someone says or does something that we don't like, we should just be quiet and try to stay away from that person in the future.
Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express opinions, feelings, attitudes and rights, without undue anxiety, in a way that doesn't infringe on the rights of others.
The consequence of not being assertive is generally far worse than being assertive, both mentally and physically. Headaches and ulcers are common in non-assertive people. And the beauty of being assertive is you realize you have a choice. You can decide what issues are worth asserting yourself.
This article is not to dismiss all Minnesotans as passive aggressive. In fact, many in the more rural areas do fall under the intended definition of "Minnesota nice." The main objective was to open a forum for all people, and to challenge those individuals who are in passive-aggressive relationships to assert themselves. Self assertion, in the appropriate contexts, will set you free.
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