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Truth now comes in sizes small, medium and large
Published:
Thursday, September 4, 2003
Lenore Skenazy
New York Daily News Guest Column
As you may have noticed over the past half-century or so, T-shirts are becoming more and more interesting. Just walking down the street the other day, I saw shirts that said, "Shop naked" (but why?), "Surrender Martha!" (was that Eliot Spitzer?) and, "No, I will not fix your computer" (well, then, could you just explain how to get the mouse to ... Hey! Come back here!).
Still, the frankest of all T-shirts are just rolling off the press. A new company called Neuroses to a T(ee) subscribes to the notion that if we could just put our problems on our chests, we also could get them off. Thus, its shirts admit all sorts of generally unspoken secrets like, "I buy a lot to fill the void," "Emotionally unavailable men rock" and "I chain-scarf brownies in the dark." And then there's my favorite, "The whole family is worried."
Now, what if everyone started wearing shirts like that - shirts that told the truth? Not the usual, "I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke," T-shirt sort of truth. The honest-to-God, let it all hang out, "At my age, getting lucky is finding my car in the parking lot" truth. (OK, that last one's a T-shirt, too.) But still, imagine:
George Bush: "My military advisers sent us to war and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Plus a disastrous occupation that could cost me the 2004 election."
Winona Ryder: "It wasn't a cry for help. It was a cry for free stuff."
John Ashcroft: "That statue turned me on."
Michael Jackson: "I'm fine. It's the world that needs therapy."
Barbara Walters: "If you furrow your brow long enough, people think you care."
Britney Spears: "Qualifications? See below."
J.Lo: "I'm with stupid."
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