News
Briefly
Calendar of Events
Commentary
Opinions
Sports
Diversions
World News
Login
Letter Submission
Search
Archive
Publishing Policy
Classifieds
Mail Subscriptions
St. Cloud State University
College Publisher
Home
>
Commentary
Late night romp brings viewers
By Nick Hansen
Published:
Monday, September 15, 2003
Nick Hanson -- Staff Essay
Unfortunately I lost my innocence forever on Saturday night. It landmarks the strangest, most surprising and boldest act I have ever seen in my life. I'll never look at a playground in the same way again.
It all started when I awoke at five in the morning. My ears found themselves honed into a somewhat familiar frequency. It was a rapidly repeating high-pitched squeal followed by a low-pitched moan. That's right, it was the sound of sex.
At first I wasn't too shocked because I live in a house with seven guys who go to college, like to party and stay up late. It's not too rare to see girls gracing us with their presence. Sometimes things happen and noises get made.
This noise, however, was different. It was loud and it was close. I knew it couldn't be coming from the room next to me because my deductive skills told me that the likelihood of that roommate's ability to suave a woman in the condition he was in was the same as Limp Bizkit making a successful comeback.
As I was thinking, my ears picked up another sound. An entourage of my roommates were laughing and yelling. It was coming from the patio atop the roof.
I opened my eyes and took a gander out the window to see what the racket was about. My mystery had just been solved. Two people were engaging in a dirty deed on top of the playground across the street.
What made them decide to participate in the act was understandable, but the location of the act was boggling. Couldn't they have just walked back home? Well, they didn't, and because of it, my roommates were going to have some fun.
The couple clearly acknowledged my roommates taunts and yells, but still continued to rage on. So, one of my roommates decided to pull out a mag light. The light shone brightly on the couple, but they remained unafraid and actually started to laugh. In fact, they decided to change their location so we could see better. They moved to the center of the playground near the teetering horse. If the horse could speak, it certainly would have neighed.
The mag light offered visibility, but darkness still clouded our vision. We needed something brighter. Yes, headlights would do the trick.
I watched my roommates pile into the car like kids going to the candy store. Once the lights reached the couple, a new piece of information hit my brain. The couple was completely naked. There were no clothes in sight.
That means that they left wherever they were naked. They must have some freaky fetish for public copulation. Can you image a nude couple roaming the streets of St. Cloud in the middle of the night? If you can't, it happened Saturday night.
The two remained undaunted by our presence. In fact, they rather enjoyed it. To give thanks they demonstrated several different sexual positions. It was like watching a drive-in movie without the screen and live acting.
Once they were done, they gave a wave and fled off into the distance hand in hand.
As I reminisce, I'm not quite sure what to make of the ordeal. On one hand, I feel bad for the kids that are going to play unaware of the acts that have left a permanent stain in their environment. On the other hand, I guess if it made the couple happy, then more power to them.
The most surprising aspect of the entire scenario is that no cars or cops ever drove by. Lucky for them. At least now everyone knows of the notorious couple, I like to call Adam and Eve.
Beware as you roam the streets of St. Cloud, and keep a watchful eye, for you never know where or when Adam and Eve will strike next.
Forum:
No comments have been posted for this story.
Post a comment
Privacy Policy
Network Advertising
Article Syndication
