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St. Cloud State University
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Domestic Violence Month raises awareness
By Jennifer Frey
Published:
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Media Credit: Christin Osgood
Eileen Bitzan, a hospital advocate for the Central Minnesota Task Force on Battered Women, spoke during this week´s Women on Wednesday entitled, Trust Betrayed: The Reality of Dating Violence. This month is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the Women on Wednesday speaker for this week called her presentation "Trust Betrayed: The Reality of Dating Violence."
Eileen Bitzan has been working with women's issues for over a decade. After getting degrees in social work and women's development, she moved on to become an advocate for the Central Minnesota Task Force on Battered Women.
"I studied social work and I saw a lot of need for information and prevention concerning abuse," Bitzan said.
Abuse can happen to all people. There is no pre-set gender, age, race or socioeconomic status that lends itself more readily to being abused than another.
Warning signs for abuse include jealousy, controlling behaviors, unfair expectations of a partner and blaming others for problems and feelings.
While none of these actions separately constitute abuse, the idea is to look for a series of actions or increasing regularity and intensity.
"Abuse (in dating relationships) is a pattern of behavior used to maintain control over a dating partner," Bitzan said.
Bitzan used a power and control wheel to show how abuse happens. By using tactics like intimidation and threats, the abuser is able to keep his or her victim in fear. When the victim is afraid for his or herself, they are less likely to do anything to stop the abuse.
Because abuse happens in cycles, victims might be able to talk themselves out of thinking they are in an unhealthy relationship. Abuse starts with tension building up through actions or verbal abuse. Once the tension has increased, the abuser will physically or verbally explode on the victim. This phase is usually followed by a "honeymoon phase" or a phase of severe remorse for the abusive actions.
Victims of abuse may experience a wide range of effects from dating violence. Something as small as a headache might be a side effect from the stress and trauma that the victim is undergoing. Other effects might include loss of appetite, extreme anxiety, fear, shame, confusion, depression and even suicide.
Rather than seeing abuse as men versus women, Bitzan emphasized looking at it from a more psychological angle. Understanding why some people abuse and some victims do not see their situation as abusive is key to overcoming dating violence.
"It's nice to get a different perspective on abuse," sophomore Danielle Behlings said.
The question asked most commonly from people outside the abuse circle is "Why doesn't she just leave?" Bitzan thinks what people should really ask is, "Why does he abuse?"
A victim is most vulnerable when he or she is about to leave the abuser because the probability of being physically beaten is the greatest at those times. In some instances, the abuser might put up physical barricades to prevent the victim from leaving. The cycle of abuse also convinces some women to stay with their batterers because the remorseful phase might lull them into a sense of false security.
"There is a lot more to abuse than I knew as far as services for victims and angles to look at it from," said St. Cloud Tech student Rick Mayers.
Some tips for safe dating are meet publicly for the first few dates. Tell someone you trust where you are going and with whom. Devise a safety plan in case something should go wrong. Be assertive in your relationships and do not be afraid to communicate your expectations to your partner. Above all else, trust your instincts.
If you know someone who has been abused, listen and be supportive. Do not blame them because it is not their fault. Get information on help groups for him or her.
If you are abused or think you are being abused, tell someone. Report the assault to the police or go to a local abuse center. Seek counseling, if necessary, and go to a hospital if the assault has been physical.
Dating violence is an important issue for SCSU students. "Over half the clients that I see are the traditional college age," Bitzan said.
"Sixteen to 24-year-olds are most vulnerable to intimate partner violence," she added.
By being aware of the signs and willing to stand up for your safety and the safety of others, people can prevent dating violence.
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