CNN 'news' borders on ridiculous

Eric O´Link -- Staff Essay

In a last-ditch attempt to come up with something to write about for my column in today's Chronicle, I started reading news on the Internet.

I surfed - and found discussion-worthy topics on CNN.com.

I'm not talking about specific issues or events, however. I'm talking about the overall feel of CNN's homepage last night - quite the variety of "news." Now, technically, news is news; Webster's defines news as "new information about anything," "reports of recent happenings" and "any person or thing thought to merit special attention in such reports."

Okay, then I suppose what I saw on CNN would qualify as news. But I think the line between what is newsworthy and what is just entertaining are blurring at a frightening rate.

What we deem news, it seems, keeps hitting a new low.

Let's take a look at some of those Wednesday, Feb. 4 headlines from CNN.com.

"Clark, Dean fire at 'insiders' Kerry, Edwards" is the typical winners-and-losers politician story. Flunkies Wesley Clark and Howard Dean turned out to be the big flop in the latest round of primaries. They, of course, consequently called both Johns career politicians who would work only for themselves, promising the American people one while doing another.

This, I suppose, is sort of newsworthy, although it would have been almost the same story - just reverse the names - if Dean and Clark were where Kerry and Edwards are now. I suppose it's somehow reassuring for Americans to read that their political system is as skewed, self-serving and predictable as ever.

Next, we have "Tenet speech to say intelligence not a 'crystal ball.'" CIA Director George Tenet is expected to defend pre-war weapons of mass destruction intelligence that theoretically led our charge into invading Iraq. And here I thought our esteemed government was spending millions of dollars to have access to a real crystal ball, so that we could have THE best intelligence in the universe. This is somehow less romantic. I'm disappointed.

On a similar note, when I read "Rumsfeld: Iraq WMDs may still be found," I laughed. Hasn't our old pal G.W. figured out that this argument is a lost cause? Hasn't the government admitted its intel was bogus? Somebody at the White House ought to be fired for this little PR debacle - it's not helping the government's case on competency.

Then, of course, there's the whole continuation of the Janet Jackson "Superboob" (thank you St. Cloud Times "funhound" Stubby) fiasco; we probably won't see her at the Grammys and, by the way, even Justin Timberlake's family is offended. As if we didn't hear enough about that Monday and Tuesday.

It also seems that NASA has offered to help enhance security video of the man who abducted 11-year-old Carlie Brucia in Florida (nevermind that glitches in the crippled Mars rover Spirit are still causing NASA headaches). And apparently, a man in India says "glass is a good source of roughage."

But here's my favorite, under Top Stories: "Cubans try floating vintage car to Florida." Some Cubans converted a 1959 Buick, tailfins and all, into a seaworthy craft by sealing the doors. Four adults and five children crammed into the ride-made-raft and headed for Florida. The Miami Herald reported they were halfway to Key West Tuesday evening. This is not the first time two of the Cubans tried such an endeavor; last summer, they were intercepted by U.S. Customs in a 1951 Chevy pickup-turned-pontoon boat. Customs sent them back to Cuba after promptly sinking the truck.

So, CNN had quite the mix of news Wednesday evening. Clich� political insults, the CIA's not-so-crystal-clear intelligence, Janet Jackson's breast and of course, those daring, seafaring Cubans.

Hmm. What ongoing situation in Iraq?

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