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St. Cloud State University
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Hedonism has no end, unlike break
By Jake Carolan
Published:
Thursday, March 25, 2004
So you've all returned from spring break. Great. I guess it's time to get back to work, nose to the grindstone and all that. I have no doubt that as typical industrious, scholarly SCSU students, you spent a majority of your spring break pining for your professors and textbooks, wracked with ennui for lack of work to do.
Actually I don't think that at all, mainly because I recognize that the majority of SCSU students are nothing more than dimwitted drunkards with little else to do besides drink themselves into a collective stupor every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. Quite honestly, I don't understand why SCSU even has a spring break, because the student body has been collectively carrying one on for the entire year up to this point. My guess is that it is more of an effort to relocate the parties rather than give the students an actual rest.
It may also have been meant to allow you all to run out and actually contract all those STDs you're constantly being warned about. You know, kind of prove a point.
Or maybe it was actually an honest effort to get you to party yourselves out so you can come back to school and buckle down, really get some quality class time in. Like when your parents catch you smoking and make you smoke the whole pack until you barf all over.
Who knows, maybe it worked. Perhaps now you can get some actual work done, you slavering pack of miscreants. Probably not. Methinks this break has not slaked your thirst for hedonism, but rather whetted it. Party on, you animals, since you've apparently dedicated to the worthy endeavor of destroying your innards and prospects with a constantly flowing river of booze, who am I to stop you? I hope you're all having a mighty good time.
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